


Needing To Win

by TMar



Category: Forever Knight
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 00:24:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16587161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMar/pseuds/TMar
Summary: Natalie isn't accepting no for an answer anymore.





	Needing To Win

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote and uploaded this to FKFIC-L in 1995.

NEEDING TO WIN

Nick woke up with a start. There was somebody in his apartment. He listened  
for a moment, and then sighed with relief. It was just Natalie. *Just*  
Natalie. He closed his eyes against that thought. It was never *just*  
Natalie. Natalie was sometimes the only thing that kept him from going off  
the deep end. When he'd get discouraged, she'd be there to encourage him, to  
tell him that things would work if they just gave it a chance.

Nick waited for Natalie to call out to him, or to come up and see if he  
was okay, but she didn't. He listened again, and heard her... more  
correctly, her heart. It was beating wildly, way too fast.

Concerned that there might be something wrong, Nick literally flew down  
the stairs. "Nat?"

Natalie was sitting on his couch, idly playing with the remote control,  
and wearing... a dressing gown?? "Nat?" asked Nick again.

She finally looked up. "Hi, Nick."

"What are you doing here?"

Natalie shook her head, trying to think. She had come here for a reason,  
but... "I don't know, Nick, I..." She looked straight at him. "It's Richard's birthday today."

"Nat, I..."

She cut him off. "No, don't say anything. I was thinking... how fleeting  
life was for him, and then I started thinking how fleeting life is for us in  
general, for us mere mortals. And I realised something." Her gaze was so  
intense it made him uncomfortable. "I don't want to die having lived my life  
like this."

Nick didn't understand immediately. "Like what?"

"Like this! Apart from you, Nick! I just can't do it anymore."

Nick turned away. "You're leaving. You're giving up on me."

She *almost* flew to face him. "No, I'm not. I'm not."

"Then...?"

She swallowed. An hour ago she had rehearsed this part so well, and now  
she couldn't remember what she had been going to say. "I want to be with you."

Nick turned his head, and started to protest, but she covered his lips  
with her fingers. "Don't. Don't say it. I know all the arguments, and you  
know what, Nick? I don't care anymore."

"Natalie!"

"I mean it. It isn't that my life is empty, but I don't want to be 70  
years old, and wishing that I had done something about this, about the way I  
feel about you."

"No, you want to die now, instead."

"How do you know that will happen? Huh?" She was angry. Angry for having  
let herself love him, angry with him for being what he was, angry at them both   
for having gotten into this impossible situation. "Okay, look. Just let me say   
what I came here to say. And after that, if you want me to leave, I'll leave."

Nick nodded, looking at her tenderly.

"I know you will understand this. You, of all people, will understand  
this. I want you, Nick. I have wanted you for so long that I can hardly  
remember a time when I didn't want you. Every day of my life, I wake up and  
I think about you. When I eat I think, 'If Nick ever becomes mortal, he has  
to try this!' When I go shopping I think, 'I wish Nick were here to see how  
it's done.' When I go to work and dissect people, I see you coming back to  
life on my table. When I'm in bed at night..." 

She trailed off. "I wish you were with me. I can't live like this anymore, with   
this... this need. All I can think about sometimes is you making love to me,  
having you inside me. I dream about it some nights, and when I wake up and   
you're not there, it hurts. It hurts like hell."

Natalie paused, and Nick looked away. This was definitely not what he  
wanted to hear. He had a hard enough time keeping control of himself when  
Natalie wasn't telling him she wanted him to make love to her, and now...  
Nick closed his eyes against the colour change. He bit down, drawing blood  
when his fangs refused to stay put.

"Nick, look at me." Natalie knew exactly what she had done, and why he  
had turned away. But she had done it on purpose this time. Maybe she was  
being suicidal, but she *wanted* him to lose control a little. It was  
probably her only chance of ever being with him.

"No." Nick knew she became afraid when he vamped out; he couldn't let her  
see it, not now, not like this.

Natalie turned his face towards hers, her warm hands only making it  
worse for him. "Nick, I know what I'll see. Look at me."

So he did. His eyes blazed yellow as his breathing grew uneven. "Is this  
what you wanted to see, Nat?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want you, and I don't care anymore."

Nick looked at her for a second more, and then kissed her with all his  
might. And drew away, as he always did. "No. I won't do it. I can't do it."

"What?"

"I'll kill you."

Natalie did not believe that. He might bite her, but he wouldn't kill  
her. Bring her across, maybe. All she knew was, she wanted him. That driving  
desire blocked out everything else, including common sense. "If you think  
you might, then bring me across. Just don't leave me."

"Nat..." But he couldn't think of any more arguments. He wanted her more  
than he had wanted anyone for a long time. He wanted to make love to her, be  
inside her, taste her blood...

Nick gave in and kissed her, pulling her against him, feeling her  
softness as he tasted her... His mouth left hers and travelled across her  
cheek, to her jawline, onto her neck... He could feel the pulse beneath his  
lips... No. It was too soon. If he bit her now, that was all he would do.

Natalie sensed Nick's dilemma. "Nick, kiss me. Please, just kiss me."

It was the best thing to say. Their lips met again, opening to share all  
that they were. For the first time, Natalie could feel Nick's fangs, and...  
they didn't repulse her as she had always thought they would. How could she  
have thought them anything other than part of him? How could she ever have  
been afraid of the vampire? Nick was torn, but he *was* a vampire. Perhaps  
that had been her mistake all along, treating him as if he were human. He  
was just Nick, a combination of things, and that was what she wanted now.

Natalie's hand slid under Nick's robe, feeling his pyjama top, then slipped   
her hand beneath that as well. He was cold, but that was part of him, too.

At Natalie's touch, Nick almost pulled away. Her hand was warm, so very  
warm... He found himself undoing the sash that held her dressing gown  
closed, and pulled it off her shoulders, letting it slide to the floor. He  
couldn't see what she was wearing, but he felt it. Whatever it was, it was  
smooth and silky and came only to her knees. He pulled it up, inch by inch,  
until he could slide his hand under it, up her back, feeling just more  
warmth, more softness, all the way.

At the feel of his hand on her back, Natalie tore her mouth away from  
his. "Please, Nick. Make love to me. Please."

Nick could not have refused if he had wanted to... and he didn't want to.  
He whispered, "Hold on," and lifted Natalie up...

Natalie looked down. She was in the air, with him... And then she was on  
his bed, complete with silk sheets and the smell of him. She looked for him  
\- he was still standing, and still wearing that robe of his. He reached for  
the sash, but she got up. "No. Let me." 

Her hands trembled a little as she untied it, and lifted the robe off his shoulders.   
Somehow, she couldn't look him in the eye as she did it. It was... She didn't know.   
She reached for the buttons on his pyjama top, and that joined the robe on the   
floor. Natalie would have liked to throw them out of the window, but she had more   
important things to do. Like look at him, all of him.

And then she did look him in the eye. "Nick, you're beautiful." His eyes  
still blazed gold at her, but she'd ceased to care.

His breathing was ragged as he replied. "Only because of you."

Natalie shook her head. "No, outside and inside, you are beautiful. I  
know you. And now I want to know all of you."

She reached up to kiss him, but he put his hand over her heart. "No, I  
want to see you, first."

Nat looked down at what she was wearing. Why she had put this particular  
item on earlier, she didn't know. It was peach coloured, silky and rather  
see-through. Nick ran his hand down the front of it, feeling it over her  
skin, feeling her skin beneath it. "You are... so lovely. And your hair..."  
He reached up to touch the soft strands, then let his fingers caress her  
cheek instead as he slid the nightie off her shoulders and let it fall to  
the floor.

Natalie could only murmur, "Nick..." as he leaned down to kiss her again,  
to press her against him, to let her feel that he wanted her too. There was  
one last item of clothing separating them. "Take it off, Nick," she  
whispered as the kiss ended. 

So he did, letting the pyjama bottoms slide off to join the other items strewn   
around. And he lifted her up and replaced her on the bed, standing for just a   
minute to look at her, waiting for him. That someone could love him so much   
that she would risk her life - no, more than that, her soul - to be with him, was   
almost too much to believe. Unlike all the other women he'd known, Natalie had   
no hidden agenda. All she wanted was... him. So, so simple. Because all he   
wanted was her.

Natalie looked up to find Nick leaning over her, then he shifted until  
his entire body was pressed against hers and he could look down into her  
eyes and see the expressions there. He still saw no fear, although he knew  
that his eyes had not changed back, and would not, until this was over. But  
he hesitated, as if to give her one last chance to back out.

Natalie said nothing, but moved up against him, indicating assent. A  
momentary hesitation, and then he was inside her, and she was around him,  
and they were one.

For Natalie it was the fulfillment of all those years of longing and  
needing, and for Nick it was proof that the dream was possible, that their  
love was possible. As he moved inside her, his mouth automatically sought  
her neck, kissing the spot where her heartbeat pulsed. And as he neared  
completion, Nick knew that he *would* bite her... and that he *would*  
control it.

Natalie felt Nick's fangs touching her skin, and wasn't frightened. She  
wanted him to bite her, to taste her blood, to be a part of him that way.  
"Yes..." she murmured. "It's okay..."

That was all Nick needed to hear as he reached the peak and flowed into  
her, biting down at the same moment. And Natalie let out a cry of  
completion, and flowed into him.

Her blood was the sweetest he had ever tasted, and he drank thankfully  
and deeply from this woman, his Natalie, who had given all that she was to  
him...

He could still hear her heart, beating so very fast... slowing just a  
little. Enough. Nick was amazed at how easy it was to stop, to place one  
last kiss on her neck, and moved his mouth away to kiss her lips instead.

There was still blood in his mouth, and while the thought might once have  
repulsed her, this time Natalie knew whose blood it was, and why it was  
there. He loved her, they had shared *everything*, all that they could of  
themselves, and she was still alive.

The kiss ended, and Natalie looked at him with an expression that Nick  
would never forget, whether he lived to be a thousand or lived to be only  
eight hundred and fifty. It was one of pure trust, of love, and of triumph.  
"I knew you wouldn't kill me," she said. "I knew."

Nick moved away from her, knowing that he could only count the minutes  
until they could be together this way again. He lay next to her, unable to  
articulate what he was feeling. So much, he felt so much. Triumph,  
happiness, love, tenderness... He wasn't sure he would make sense if he  
tried to explain it. "I love you, Nat," was all he could finally say. "I  
love you."

Natalie looked over at him, into the eyes which had at last returned to  
their beautiful blue. "I love you, Nick. We won."

Nick enfolded her in his arms, holding her as tight as he dared. They  
still had a lot of work to do, but no longer would that work be sabotaged by  
their attempts to pretend they didn't love and want each other. For they  
did, and right now, that was all that mattered. 

For this one day with Natalie, Nick would glady have drunk any number of   
protein shakes and eaten anything she requested. Just to have her here in his   
arms was all he wanted right now. They had beat the killer inside him, they   
could beat all the other obstacles as well. "Yes," said Nick softly to Natalie, who   
was drifting off, "we won."

The rest was only a matter of time.

THE END


End file.
